I'm tired and can barely follow rules of sentence structure, let alone a full-on train of thought. Forgive me if I wander.
Last Monday, my time at Look Up Lodge in the capacity of being a summer staffer ended. I have spent approximately 9 months of my life over 3 years ministering not only to my ~1200 total campers on the pink, lime and orange teams, but also to the 14-17000 campers that passed through all of camp and the 46 or so total co-workers I've worked with. It sounds heavy, and honestly it is. My time at Look Up has been without question one of the key pivotal seasons of my life and my experience there is largely what God used to put me on a path of not necessarily being in the Kingdom, but being a disciple of Jesus in spirit and in truth. Writing that paragraph made me want to cry.
I could try to write down in words what happened this summer with stories, relationships, memories, lessons learned, struggles... there's a lot of 'stuff' that was part of my experience. I could try to tell about specific things that God has done in and through me, not because I'm awesome but because He has chosen to use the broken and humbled to make His name famous. The issue with trying to describe all of camp is four-fold: 1) any description would be inadequate 2) telling stories requires so much 'insider' info that most stories would make sense superficially but not in a meaningful way 3) I have a terrible memory and 4) that which I do remember no one would ever want to take time to read.
I could never put what is in my head onto paper (or an internet server, in this case) what the fullness of camp has been like. God has been ridiculously faithful and I am continually made new. He started a work in me in a very large sense from before I can remember, and He definitely started a good work in me when the season of my life that was punctuated by Look Up began. As I was weeping like a little girl a few days ago, I came to grips with the fact that that good work has been made complete and He has new things for me. Memories fade, but some remain. Relationships change but do not have to die. The truth He revealed and put deep in me will last beyond me, and I will praise God for what He has done. He has given abundantly. And, perhaps most importantly, the God that worked in the context of summer camp is the same God yesterday, today, and forever. He is just as real in real life as He is at camp, and He has been abundantly faithful.
If you see me and want to know how camp went or what it has meant to me or what God has done at Look Up, feel free. I may or may not have an adequate answer or response. I feel completely overwhelmed by the entirety of the experience, honestly. I struggle to articulate anything worth hearing and I'm still completely wiped out in the physical, emotional, and spiritual sense. But He sustained me in my weakness at camp and He will sustain me in the next season of life.
If you prayed for or over me this summer or any summer, thank you. It was really cool when my community at school prayed over me and sent me out to be a worker. My family has been patient and supportive of me when it meant I wouldn't be home every summer like my older and brother and sister were. I am incredibly thankful for the experiences that happened, both difficult and fun.
So, this is not a goodbye to everything that happened, but just to the season that some of it happened in. So long, camp.
